Top 5 Dead or Alive!!

No....this blog entry isn't dedicated to the age old question of best rap artists, living or dead, but to the corniest five people ever to achieve fame.These five people are the corniest humans ever to see the light of day or the darkness of night. Their awkwardness and herb personalities leaves one baffled and sick to their stomachs. In today's world, we have a herb epidemic...losers on the loose, staining my entertainment with their cornball odor and dripping their wack juices. I have followed these aforementioned wack juices; which has lead me down the path to finding each of these corny ass asses, now without further adieu!

5. Number 33 formerly known as Scottie Pippen

Scottie Pippen will forever be locked into number five as one of the corniest people ever. During an ESPN radio interview, our man Scottie uttered the blasphemous statement that Lebron James may be a better player than Michael Jordan.Was he high? Drunk off four lokos? One could only hope!. Number 33 just lost his big-nosed mind. They should remove his name and number from all things Chicago Bulls and take his Championship rings.. I hear Michael Jordan is calling 1-800-CASH-4-GOLD to return #33's six rings, and if Lebron had a fourth quarter he probably be able to afford one! As this picture shows, you two bum ass cornballs can't even compare to the shadow of Jordan.




4. Lil Mama

Where should I start with this corny Harlemnite? Her knockoff Lady Gaga outfits? Her stage crashing antics at Jay-Z's 2009 VMA performance?  Her attempts of using five or more letter words on ABDC that always leads to epic fails or her rap career that lasted a good five minutes? It's hard to determine her gender when she speaks, which isn't good seeing as how she looks like a twelve year old Lil Bow Wow. Should we forget the fitteds with synthetic hair draping from the top, with her grotesque crack head body? A lot of questions I know but we can all concur that the bitch is busted! We'll just leave you with these photos, and yes, they're corny as hell; also check out the performance swag: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2IQYl-b69s&feature=related


3. Ellen Degeneres

The number three spot is reserved for the corniest white girl/guy we all know and hate, Ellen. The thought of Ellen engaging in girl on girl action makes my penis soft. Her super corny jokes and goofy ass dance steps makes her the corniest talk show host ever. I have no respect for a grown ass woman that walks around public dressed as Harry Potter.


 I also have an itching suspicion that Ellen and Justin Bieber are the same person...same color hair, same haircut, same outfits, both dance around uncontrollably and they both have the same bra size! I hate you Ellen!!

2. Toure



I decided to place his picture first just to show those that don't know this cornball. Funny thing, he has about fifty jobs that he all does poorly and you still don't know him. He's like the guy you meet that was in your class or lived on your block and you never knew, the classic background dork. He serves as a host on two FUSE shows, BET host, rolling stones writer, former CNN correspondent, professional dog-walker, jewel thief, gas station clerk and yes he is your next door neighbor! He's just so fucking corny that you just don't notice him,  and your subconscious tells you to ignore him and look away, as you should! I refuse to search the internet to accent the letter e in your name...you make me sick and please save up a few dimes and go out and get a shape-up bro!

1. Dwight Howard

And the wackest, corniest, herb of them all goes to Dwight Howard. God hates you and so does the devil!  You tried swagger jacking Shaq but forgot one intangible, you have no talent dumb ass. After watching a few episodes of Basketball Wives it wasn't hard to figure out which girl you were dating, your wack juices probably seeped into her pores when you guys slept together. Quick fact: your not entertaining and children cry when you smile. Not only were you're dunk contest dunks cheesy and wack, you dance like a retarded five year old and even the Magic on your chest couldn't remove the wackness that oozes from your swagless soul. Even if you cured AIDS, stopped world hunger and single handedly won the war on terror in the same day, you'd still be the lamest man in the world! Fuck you Dwight Howard! Stop kissing rim and learn how to make a jump shot!