Prisoners of Our Own Construction: The Illusions

Our perceptions determine our reality! The way in which we're taught to see the world, inevitably, becomes the way we see the world. It's been said that we see things how we are not how they are, meaning, everything that we experience reaffirms previously held beliefs. If a Christian finds $100 in the street, they may say that God placed that money there for them to find. An atheist could find the same $100 and say that its to their benefit that someone was careless and dropped the money. The event of finding the money is the same, however, its perceived differently. One attributes it to a higher power, confirming their belief that God exists and the other attributes it to carelessness and human error. Many illusions exist in our world, and today we'll take a look at a couple.

1. The Illusion of Self

We all have this notion of "me" and "mine". To some degree we are all unique individuals and cannot be duplicated, however, there remains an illusion. Let's take a look at the beach! The beach consists of sand, trillions of tiny pieces of grains of sand. Let's remove one grain of sand. The beach remains the beach and will continue to be so, but take out all grains of sand and one is left without anything but together these grains can form gigantic masses, including beaches. Humans are the same way! Remove one person from the Earth and the Universe will continue as it always has and will. However, that person's absence will change how the Universe grows, because we're all interconnected, yet, all susceptible to being removed and forgotten. That interconnectedness is the essence of everything, particles of water form oceans, particles of minerals form rocks and continents, etc.

Additionally, we're taught to think in terms of mine and yours, known as possession. This is primarily due to the fact that our economic system prefers this belief, so that people feel a personal connection to the things they own and also a sense of independence, which we'll get to later. Think about it, does everyone on the same block need their own lawn mower? It's used maybe once a week for two hours each use. It would make much more sense if groups of homeowners shared the same lawn mower. Sure, you would have to trade in a little convenience, but then again, not so much, and a flexible schedule would seem to suffice. Why do people have this mindset of "having their own?" Probably because companies like to sell products in that fashion.

Lastly, the idea of the ego comes into play. There exists two identities for most people, the ego and the true self. The true self lives in the moment, an unselfish spirit that has one goal, to live life abundantly. I've come to the realization that most problems, arguments and disagreements, stem from bruised egos. People have the "need" to be right or to be heard in life. Why is that? My inclinations are of the belief that the ego takes over. It's weird because, the ego is an illusion formed by one's brain, think about fear. Let's say your scared to perform in front of a group of people, like I am, and then try to root out the problem that the fear stems from. Let's say the goal of the speaker is to make people laugh, but they don't laugh. The fact that that outcome may happen can scare people into not attempting it at all. But what if they don't laugh, at least the person tried and most likely, the only way in getting better is to have that very situation happen. There's also popular fears, such as the fear of flying, heights, being scared of different animals and also the fear of death. But the key to overcoming these fears are all the same. First, realize that the need to validate yourself to your ego, isn't real, its only thought to be so. It's hard to distinguish thoughts from the ego and the true self because they originate in the same place, the mind. Usually, thoughts from the ego need other people to like you, need you or compliment you. Secondly, understand that there are the possibilities of many outcomes and worrying about them takes you out of the moment and any task done whilst worrying about what may happen will detract from ones ability to do their best.

This is why kids are so great. They don't have a list of things that they are scared to do or feel embarrassed in social situations, kids just do! They live for the present, which is slighlty easier to do when they have no bills, car notes or mortgages to be pay. However, we choose to take on those responsibilities and worrying about them doesn't make life any easier!

2. The Illusion of Freedom

This is a reference to our way of life in a system where we must work to have money. I read a quote the other day that said, "We live in one of the most free countries, but have it setup that we're not very free at all."
I always hear people talking about being independent, but in what regards? Surely, everyone wants their own space, their own things and to feel like they don't have to depend on others for anything, the search for autonomy. Yet, we all need money, meaning many of us all need jobs! Some will find careers doing what they love, which feels less like a job, while others will slave away at making someone else very rich in order to make money. Money, we're all dependent on money and those who have capital to employ us and write us a check. I challenge anyone to live three months without making money and see if they can survive in a lifestyle they enjoy. Money, made up by printing faces on paper, has a very strong grasp on our sense of freedom, which is why those with lots of money feel superior to those who don't have any, even though money in and of itself, is just a tool to acquire resources. And because this is true, many compete to have more and more money! Going to school, learning a trade, working a pointless 9 to 5 job, only to attain more money, so how can we ever be truly free?

Yet and still, people live their lives chasing after it. I compare life to monopoly, and at the beginning of the game, one has nothing and at the end of the game, all the pieces are thrown into a box. Just like in life, we're born with nothing and when we die, we're thrown in a box, or what folks call a coffin. But we spend all our time trying to get more and more things, fighting other players or people in getting cars, property and money. All to have it thrown away at the end. Why you ask? Mainly due to propaganda. Information put in our heads, since babies, to accept this game as truth and follow the rules told to us by the very people who made the game. The Parker Brothers, the Bankers, the Corporations, its all the same. It's taught to us through images on television, in movies, songs, commercialized on radio, transportation, billboards, magazines and put into practice in schools, churches, jobs and colleges! All to make us believe that we have some say in how the world works, when, more realistically, we act out what we were always taught to do!

The keys to maintaining this system is to keep people in debt and wanting things so they have to work! Monthly payments for rent, food, gas and such keeps people needing to have money! Conversely, making people want things and buying products they don't need also adds to the necessity of needing money. The debt/work cycle in effect.

Lesson 1...Preceeded by The Introduction

I like to think that we are all one! I believe that we are all apart of one universal conciousness, that I like to refer to as The Creator. Just look at the word universe, it literally means, one thing, rolled into one. So in a way, we're all one big family!

We may have our own immediate families but, we all refer to a couple of things as Mother and Father, which is Nature and Time. I deal with both Mother Nature and Father Time on a daily basis and have been brought up with respect for both and taught many life lessons from both as well. Surely one cannot find any living creature in the world that hasn't been created by Mother Nature and Father Time.

Mother has created an atmosphere that can sustain life and Father provides space and time to let each of us grow and mature, akin to our physical parents. You see, everything in life has a gestation period. Whether it be a flower, that is nurtured by the soil as a seed and then sprouts out to a beautiful rose or an action, that stems from information in the brain, formed as a thought and later carried out by an action.

They are my parents and I am nurtured by Mother Nature and disciplined by Father Time. When I was born, they were the first to know of my existence, after The Creator of course, and I later met my biological parents. It's weird that the one thing we use the most is the thing we never know how much of it we have, time. Father taught me the importance of living in the moment and planning for the future. It's the most we can ever do at any given moment, but as we age, we become overwhelmed with the stresses of life; bills, kids, jobs, errands, taxes and the like. Our minds are often cluttered with so much information, it can all become a burden and also a source of stress and fatigue. Father said to me one day, "Let things run its course, just don't let them run you!"

What he meant was, things come and go, night turns into day and good times follow bad. During some trying times in my life, it was hard for me to fully believe that advice! Father also said to understand that sometimes one must experience pain to fully appreciate joy. Mother has showed me that everything given life was also given an opposite. Left and right, up and down, man and woman among other things. She always said to remember what is real and what is portrayed as being real. She really only talks to me when she's upset, she usually tries showing me, through action, what her thoughts are and I suppose there's no better way to experience love other than feeling it, because anyone can say it, but only those who truly care will show it! I think what she meant is how my thoughts can dictate my experience. The key is that everything in life is subjective and relative. A good time to me can seem tedious to another. In addition, what is small, is only small when compared to something of a bigger size and what feels good is often in contrast to the bad feelings we felt before. I use to stay up all night and listen to Father and watch Mother before I left out to find my passion in this world!

They warned me that the path to happiness was long, tiresome and many never find out where that path leads! So I set out to travel this path and was already approached by my first obstacle and a lifelong nemesis, The Fear!

Occupy Wall Street - The Addendum

There were a couple of topics that I forgot to address in yesterday's blog, so I decided to address them today.

Nature as Infinite Resource & Trash Can

Living in a society that produces more and more worthless goods, one must wonder how the Earth can sustain such an economy. It's simple really, it cannot! We extract so much from Mother Earth! We pillage her mines, tear down her rainforests and trees, all to make a quick buck! Conversely, we take our garbage and dump it into lakes, spill toxic waste into rivers, pollute the air and create landfills of junk and trash. It's weird how we live in a time where there is both overabundance and poverty, people who have too much and folks who have nothing at all. All the while creating products that will only be used today and thrown out tomorrow to make way for the newest product of the future. The problem here is twofold. Primarily, the Earth doesn't have infinite resources. We will run out of rocks to mine and trees to cut. Secondly, our waste is making our planet a mess, with junkyards and landfills everywhere. It's like cleaning a room by shoving clothes in the closet or under the bed. Sooner or later the closet will become full and things will spill out into your living space, which is precisely the reason why we have pollution and face the dangers of global warming. Corporations and some politicians may tell you its not real, but they know the truth! However, companies need to make money; telling people that global warming cannot be proven because they need to sell products for capital that further pollute the Earth.

Conflict of Interest

Again, this is the focal point of many protesters participating in "Occupy Wall Street." Information distributed to Americans has a funny way of being biased. Most politicians are, or were, former business execs, lawyers or owned their own businesses. It's hard to believe that a rich, buiness owning individual will pass laws with the average American as their number one priority. Additionally, the pratice of lobbying plays a major role in how laws are passed. "Hey Uncle Sam, I don't like these laws becuase they hurt our profits. Can we please have you change it in the following ways?" And that's a quick lesson on how it works! Lobbyists beg for what they want in order to get laws passed or previous laws changed. Here's another example, dairy in the food pyramid. Fun fact...humans are the only species to digest milk from another species (kids drinking cow milk instead of being breast fed) and also the only species that drinks milk after maturing to adults. However, we are told by The Food Pyramid, that dairy, most importantly milk, is an essential part of a healthy diet. Problem is, the folks who own dairy companies helped create that pyramid and then use celebrities to further advertise their nonsense. Most people should remember the "Got Milk" campaign. Celebrities with milk mustaches being displayed as strong and healthy to get other people to want to drink milk. Only to find out that the reason most of these athletes were champions of their sport and strong wasn't due to them drinking milk but due to them using steroids! Go figure!

Furthermore, we have advertising campaigns that are funded by meat companies saying one should eat 30% more meat because you need protein, however, they just want 30% more profit. Or, corn farmers making commercials showing how high fructose corn syrup is exactly like sugar, they just use a different name! That's odd, why not just call it sugar, is it because your full of shit? Yes! Whenever information is sent out, try to determine who is sending it out and for what reasons!

Entertainment

This is a very important aspect of our society! If the decision makers and elite can keep people uneducated and entertained, they need not to worry about any civil disobedience and people paying attention to what is really going on; the theft of personal liberties and uneven wealth distribution!

So sit down with a beer and watch this game, or that game, or watch this reality show that isn't in any way realistic. Play this game, watch this movie, go to this park or download this app for your phone. Keep your mind focused on trivial matters so we the powerful lawmakers can do as we please. I'm not saying that these things cannot and shouldn't be enjoyed, but think about the average person. Who knows what The Patriot Act is or how much money is being spent on the current war or how the electoral college works! But ask what Snooki did last week and they can give you an in depth story on something that is all frivolous. There's nothing wrong with having nice things or spending money on entertainment but at least make an attempt to know how the world around you works! If one cannot create a system that works for them, they will become prisoner's of another man's system.

Occupy Wall Street

I am very pleased by the recent protests in New York and several other U.S. cities! It's a great feeling to know that there are so many people in America that are very aware of what has happened to this country. Aware of the results of corporate greed and the stronghold that Wall Street money has over American politics. As I stated in a previous blog, we currently have one political party, The Corporate Party and the Republicans and Democrats are two factions of that party. Corporate money funds both sides of the political spectrum and receives kickbacks, favors and bailouts from both sides! The American people are growing weary of the fact that they're continously looked over and treated like secondary citizens to Big Business, including Wall Street, and other American corporations! Truth is, the average American is viewed as a laborer and consumer, unless they serve in the military, then your used as a tool to "protect freedom." More realistically, a tool to further expand corporal markets globally and protect American interests!

I have respect for the miltitary and appreciate the sacrifices they make to help keep us all safe! However, just like many Corporate Slaves, known as American workers, most are just following orders fighting for seemingly moral issues but used to promote a very selfish, corporate agenda. Just take a look at how War Veterans are treated! Most come back home, emotionally scarred, or injured and thrown into a hospital or forced to live on the streets due to the fact that they aren't financially capable of caring for themselves after the battle ends! Unfortunately, many people in the military are considered expendable, which is weird, seeing as how without the military we wouldn't be able to defend ourselves against outside threat and the government would have no one to go fight and take land and resources from people! My question is as follows; if the government views our armed forces as expendable, how would you think they view you, a regular civilian!?! Probably as an expendable worker and consumer! Especially those civilians that protest and complain about how much money corporations make and how the political system is a mockery because they are put into place by corporate funding!

Some people are seeing through the charade! Let's take a subjective look at how our capitalistic society operates. First, come up with a product that people don't need but advertise it enough to make them want it and feel like they need it. Invest in human resources, people who have to acquire the goods, sometimes by using guerilla armies to make people mine for minerals and other rocks, for example, diamonds that are needed to manufacture the product and another group of people to assemble the product to sell in the marketplace, sometimes by making them work in sweat shops for 18 hours a day and paid $.34 an hour. Then, create marketing plans, or advertising slogans and commercials that depict people as inadequate by selling them fear! If you really want to have sex with this women, buy this car or ladies if you want a husband, wear this makeup! Trick people into believing that the American Dream is having more material goods than the next person, like a bigger house or faster car or more expensive clothes and make them chase after that dream knowing that many of them will live out their lives more akin to a nightmare than that of an American Dream. A nightmare of not being able to afford health care, a decent home, stuck paying bill after bill, living in insurmountable debt and having to work until the age of 80 with no social security or Medicare! Take kids from an early age, away from their parents and throw them into public brainwashing facilities, known as public schools. Teach them lies as truth, teach them to love their country and how to be obedient workers who don't think too much or question how things work!

Teach them to be on time everyday and the importance of attendance and learning distorted facts for standardized testing that makes students yield to the demands of their superior, the teacher! Because, after all, this IS what their lives will be in the real world, having to show up on time at work everyday, listening to an idiot boss that tells you what to do and how to do it! Insubordination leads to termination! And for those who will be our leaders of tomorrow, send them to college to further indoctrinate them into being cogs in a corporate wheel that will lead you to chasing pipe dreams and living with tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt! Tell them to marry and reproduce so we have a big enough labor pool to keep the system going! Lastly, keep them fighting! Fight over religious beliefs, classism, racism, sexism, get upset when thinking about immigrants taking your jobs, just don't think of the people who give them those jobs! Fight, fight and fight, so WE the rich can run to the banks and cash our big paychecks with no hassle because the majority of people will be too busy fighting over things that don't matter!...And that's how you end a motherf*cking blog!

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who think they are free."

Top 5 Annoyances of Public Restrooms

When out and about in the world, nature can call! Typically, people only urinate in public, but sometimes one cannot fight off having bubble guts when being out the house for long periods of time! The public restroom, while a greatly appreciated public convenience, can sometimes be an unpleasant experience. From little kids, loud and angry people and awkward moments, one can be emotionally scarred after using public bathrooms. For those who ever had to pee or take a number two in a public restroom, this list is for you!

5. Bypassing the Sink

You can tell how nasty people are, due to the fact that even though people are watching, people will relieve themselves and proceed to.walk out the door and not wash their hands! Think about everyone who shakes your hands or touches your skin in some way, about 25% of them don't wash their hands after touching very private and sometimes sweaty places! I assume if you don't wash your hands at a movie theater restroom then you don't wash your hands at home, and many people only have soap in their bathrooms for decoration. I don't want a guy touching his balls and then offering me a handshake without some soap washing their hands off! The thought of it is disgusting. And you know employees at fast food places have the same 25% chance of not washing their hands, nobody follows the, "Employees Must Wash Hands," sign. How can they, when you don't keep soap, and by the way, running luke water over your hands doesn't constitute washing them!

4. Bathroom Technology

Nothing is worst then using the bathroom in public only to notice there isn't any paper. You take the correct route to the sink and wash your hands only to have no paper towels! And you stand there for a good minute, continuing to place your hands in front of the sensor and nothing comes out. It's worse when you can clearly see that paper is loaded, you just can't get to any! The same is for those little hand dryer's. Hitting that button but having no heat come out! I understand places have automated devices so people don't have to touch anything but at least make sure they operate correctly! What's worst is having a toilet clogged of poop because the toilet doesn't automatically flush, with brown tissue paper on the floor, disgusting!  You use the bathroom and it doesn't flush, so you stand in front of it and move back, trying to get it to work. It's funny to me that the doors are still manual. You can go through with peeing, washing hands, drying them, only to have to touch the door to open it! Here's where people get creative and use knees, elbows and their backs to open the door.

3. Long Lines

This one is more so for women! Men are quick, usually, in and out. Women on the other hand take forever and a day to use the bathroom! If I was a female, I would definitely piss myself once or twice a day by just having to wait in line. What do women do in there? And they always have to go together! Why??? I would like to see what the hell women do in restrooms. Do they secretly make out? Is that what the hold up is? Probably not, but its a plus in the being a guy category! Only at clubs and bars are the line for men restrooms long. For some reason, men pee twice as long when intoxicated! Then there's always that one guy who will urinate in the sink! It's a slippery mess in those bathrooms, and if you fall, you can bet your falling in several different people's piss puddles!

2. Little Boys

I don't know what the experiences of kids in a women's restroom are because I have yet to visit since I turned 5 or so and could use a public restroom without my mother's assistantance. But little boys are too free in the men's bathroom. It's always that one kid who pulls his pants AND underwear all the way down. Standing there, a foot from the urinal, peeing on legs and the floor, how embarrassing. I blame the stupid parents! Know if your kid needs more training! Then, without warning or pulling up either underwear or pants, they walk to the sink! Every guy who has ever used a public restroom has seen this at least once! Little boys should have their own restrooms, because I'm not trying to see some kid struggle to pee!

1. The Eye Lock

Now I will admit, I have taken a dump or two in a public restroom. You have to cover the seat with layers of covers and toilet paper and then squat to poop! Here's the problem, most restrooms have a little space where the bathhroom door and the wall of the stall don't connect. One can see the mirrors to the sinks, most of you should know what I'm referring to here! Sometimes when your doing your thing, someone may walk up to use the sink to wash their hands and then it happens, you lock eyes for a split second and you feel violated. Having a dude look in your eye, no matter how quick the glance is, is a very uneasy feeling. Another thing I will admit, I'm not proud of it, but every one in every million bathroom visits I say, I forget to lock the door. And twice, people have walked in on me dropping turd bombs! Jesus Christ! And the reactions have been the same, the guy looks up as if they went blind and say, "Oh bro, sorry, I didn't know...," and they run out before finishing their sentence. I actually walked in on a girl air pissing! Her dark ass was waving in the air, with pee streaming, cheeks free, to the toilet and I knew the girl! I ran out saying, "Sorry I didn't...," and in a rush forgot to close the door!  The girl was screaming close the door, and I ran back to grant her wish. It was a unisex bathroom and the door was unlocked and I didn't knock. I assumed the rule for those bathrooms were if it was open then it was free! Wrong! All in all, just remember to lock all doors and never look a popping man in the eye!

Top 5 Worst Technological Breakthroughs

Companies will come up with any reason to take your hard earned bucks! And many consumers are so stupid or desperate to keep up with the Jones's that they'll buy into the crap that companies manufacture and market! Sometimes corporations actually come up with something cool and useful, like the mp3 player! And sometimes they come up with crap, like those mentioned in this list.

5. Cold Coors Light

Coors Light decided to up the ante for the fight for America's top light beer and came out with a special beer can. The mountains on the beer can turns blue when its cold! That's it! Doesn't open itself, or cost any less or have 33% more like other new product designs! It just turns blue when its cold! I guess if five year olds were drinking beer than this idea could send sells through the roof! I'm more intrigued by things glowing in the dark then some stupid can turning blue! We could use the same method as before when trying to figure out if a can of beer is cold; touching it with our left or right hand or putting it down someone's back! No! Coors said that that way of knowing when beer is cold is outdated and lame! They say when the mountains turn blue then your beer is cold as the Rockies! Problem is, many of their customers have killed their brain cells by drinking Coors Light and have no idea what the hell The Rockies are! Most may think of the baseball team, "The Colorado Rockies," but then again, only the white Coors drinkers, since most blacks don't watch baseball!

4. Television Fridge

It's no secret that Americans are fat assess! Take a look at Man vs. Food or the menu at Wendy's, where they feature the Baconator! Only a fat, fat man would even think to eat something called The Baconator! Well, in America, we have many of those fat, fat men and women! Subsequently, someone deicided to combine two of America's favorite pastimes, eating and watching television! And since you no longer get to burn calories from watching tv and walking to the fridge, your fat ass will probably get fatter! This was probably invented because the average fat ass American can no longer place their huge butts on a couch and must now relax on kitchen tables to sit and watch television! And since your sitting on a table looking at your fridge, let's just stick a television on the front! Why stop there? Put refrigerators and televisions on all car dashboards! Put them in bathrooms! Many hotels and restuarants place flat screens in bathrooms, so now men have an excuse for pissing on the toilet seat! Just add a fridge in the restrooms and people may never have to leave; only of course to run to the grocery store to buy more food!

3. 3-D TV

This 3D craze has got to stop. Tele-evangelists are promoting 3D sermons, catch the holy ghost forreals! Watching movies and shows in 3D rarely increases the viewing experience! The only thing worth watching in 3D may be Avatar. I'm waiting for someone to release a 3D porno! Big bouncing breasts floating toward you, or whatever it is you like coming at you, pun intended, seems like a good time. Those hairy man-ass shots may not be all that nice. They could get creative too! "These double D's just got bigger, welcome to triple D's world!" I don't know, I'm not a porn producer, but seems like a good idea to me! I also wonder if 3D advertisers realize how pointless their commercials are on a 2D screen! I sit and think to myself, it looks like the same shit I already have, just pieces of glass and people throwing things towards the camera.

2. Computerized Books

I'm sure 85% of people with a Nook or Kimble are illiterate! Their liars! They try to look cool by holding their little toy, pretending to be reading! And have the nerve to cover their screen when I try to read from over their shoulder; illiterate, selfish fakes! Two years ago I only saw a handful of people reading in public, when the only options were books, magazines and newspapers. Nowadays, people want to be seen reading from their little bright screen. I'm surprised these idiots were able to turn the device on! People are so quick to announce their purchase too, "Hey I bought a Kimble." I usually respond, "Hey, you could have purchased every book your going to read in life instead of just buying a gadget that you can read them on." They never say I just brought a book, know why, because they can't read! If your an avid reader and you purchased an electronic book reader, your cool in my ebook!

1. The Automated Voice System

"Say your name"
"Bryan Scott"

Did you say Dick Tracy?"
Press 1 for yes and 2 for no
(Presses 2)

"Bryan Scott"
"Did you say I Forgot"
"No, you stupid hoe. You better get this shit right quick, my lunch break is over in four minutes!"

Then you calm down...
"Br-yan Scott"

People always get frustrated and say every syllable or change the tone of their voice, like that works.

"Sorry, please hang up and call again. Goodbye"

Now your forced to call back and then she offers a customer service agent, like why didn't you do that in the first place, you ignorant CPU lady! And when you get to a human, they get an attitude with you, like they never used an automated system! And of course, they transfer you back to the system! This system never, ever works! Why don't we boost the economy by hiring people who can actually hear to help customers out!

Top 5 Reasons to Drink on Sundays!

Thirsty Thursday's are followed by Friday and Saturday, the two biggest drinking days of the week! Many just relax on Sunday to get ready for another grueling and four days too long, work week! What's stopping most people from enjoying a brew on Sunday? Religious reasons, recovery from Friday and Saturday nights may be a couple of reasons. Not good enough! I'm here to give motivation to drink again on Sunday! Here are the top five reasons to drink on a Sunday!

5. Boredom

Sundays are notoriously boring! There are football games and late night television shows, but it can still be sluggish when football season is over and sitcom episodes aren't good! Which is a good enough reason to drink! You can drink yourself out of boredom straight into a night in jail! Sundays at the County Jail will sure spice up your dry Sunday night! Sometimes a good drink is better than bad conversation from people you hate, like your neighbors, kids and spouse! Drinking makes those conversations much more enjoyable! Questions like, "How was work honey?", turns into, "Get that shit off my face!" Or, "How was school Sarah?", could be "Shut the hell up so I can listen to the game!" Wholesome family interaction that was made possible by three shots of Seagram's Gin!

4. Tomorrow is Monday

That's right! Another long week of  eight hour shifts at a job you probably dislike! The official end to The Weekend, that many of us dread! Which entails, losing our ability to enjoy free time with friends and family. So drink! Drink that nasty vodka on the rocks, or that dry martini! Tomorrow is Monday and nobody likes Monday's! It'll be a full three to four days before your able to drink again! What a drag! So instead of laying around on a perfectly job free day doing laundry, drink first and then do laundry second!

3. Football

What's better than sitting on your favorite couch with a cold beer, or five, in your reach! Ladies can also enjoy a nice drink; having your husband or boyfriend out of your way for several hours as he watches men tackle other men on grass! This gives you free time to catch up with your girlfriends to enjoy a class of wine! By the time the game is over, neither of you will want to do anything except each other! Football is great time to meet up for men and women to do things in groups, with their friends! And what's the one thing that makes any group activity more fun? Liqour and beer and malt liqour! So drink! Take a shot for every touchdown scored, for every field goal missed, or for every time an announcer tells a pointless story about some lineman from Nebraska! Football serves as a great excuse to get belligerent on a Sunday afternoon!

2. Early & Late Happies

This goes hand in hand with football! Usually bars will have drinking specials that correspond to game times of NFL games. Since most games start at 1pm, the specials start at 1pm or noon! You can wake up at 11, eat, shower, and head to a local pub and drink all night! Also, with the advent of Sunday night games, many bars will extend happy hours to cover these games as well! Winning! The Happy Hour deal is best when football season is active.

1. Communion

The number one reason to drink on a Sunday is communion! Some religions have communion on the first Sunday of each month and others every week! I remember drinking wine, although its grape juice now, during Communion and the pastor saying, "Do this in rememberance of me!" Well Jesus, I will remember you every day if need be, if it means getting my hands on a good red wine! Delicious! Why stop at the alter with one shot of wine! Sneak to the church basement and pour a shot or two of Jameson! I believe some liqour names are in the Bible! We got our Jack Daniel's, or Daniel...Samuel Adams or 1 Samuel, and Jose Cuervo or in his English biblical name, Joseph! Jesus turned water into wine, and you can do the same with $15!